Question
As-Salamu `Alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh (May Allah’s Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!)
Often I hate people for no reason even though I do my best to accept or love them, but I cannot. Everyday my hatred increases for no reason; is this because of jealousy?
There is someone whom my father loves and trusts greatly, and when he makes a mistake, my father forgives him as well as my mother, but I do not accept him. How do I deal with this problem?
Answer
Dear Muslim sister, peace be upon you.
My valued sister, your consultation contains several aspects:
- You hate someone for no reason.
- You are trying to love and accept him, but you cannot achieve that.
- You are wondering: Is it jealousy because of the way you parents deal with him?
I suppose the person you are asking about is your sibling.
If that’s the case, I suppose you are right in not accepting him if your parents deal with him in the way you described and if they don’t deal with you in the same way, however, the wrong actions of your parents’ practice justified by culture, rearing, and the like should not make you reach despair and hatred.
I want you to know several things:
Satan is very keen to stir rivalries between siblings. Allah (Glory be to Him) says: “The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allah orders the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly) then verily he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend. * But none is granted it (the above quality) except those who are patient – and none is granted it except the owner of the great portion (of happiness in the Hereafter i.e. Paradise and of a high moral character) in this world. * And if an evil whisper from Shaitan (Satan) tries to turn you away (from doing good), then seek refuge in Allah. Verily, He is the All-Hearer, the All-Knower.” [Surat Fussilat: 34 – 36].
- Some parents inherited ignorant habits of treating boys and girls differently, and they must be taught and educated that they must be just between their children and that needs patience and wisdom. You may teach them by giving them a book, a lecture or even a video, and you should expect clashes, but be sure that by the passage of time, things will change.
- Be a righteous daughter with nice speech, and this will be like magic when dealing with your parents.
- Consider the one whom you are complaining about a catalyst for good change within yourself and your family. Therefore, treat him kindly and be sure that Allah does not waste the reward of the good doers. So, if you gain your brother on your side, he shall be your defender and the one who demands your rights, and gaining his love is easy and only requires refraining from harming him whether by your tongue or by your hands.
- Reform what is between you and Allah so that Allah would reconcile between you and people and that requires repentance of all sins and faults, and perfecting Salah and worship.
- Do not rush to get results but observe patience and wisdom.
- Invoke Allah and submit to the Turner of hearts and sights, the Just Judge, and He shall not disappoint you.
May Allah guide you and facilitate goodness and happiness!
